I loved summer as a kid; I dread it as a parent. At least the out of school part. Not because I don’t want the kids to have fun and get a break from school, it’s because they get so freakin’ bored and I feel responsible. I don’t remember being bored as a kid. Was I? It seems like my kids are constantly bored and I’m trying to figure out what I’m doing wrong as a parent.

I grew up in a small town surrounded by friends. There was hill after hill of Utah wilderness to explore right out of my front door. My kids live in the middle of suburbia and spend most of their time stuck indoors because of the rain and houses that fill the horizon in every direction. In addition, I don’t know many of my neighbors…there aren’t five kids of assorted ages in almost every house in the neighborhood. As a kid, I played constantly…basketball, football, rode bikes in the hills, had dirt clod wars, hunted with bb guns, and even some Dungeons and Dragons. Sometimes we’d even pack up supplies and as many as ten kids (ages 6-13) would hike several miles out of town, make a fire, cook dinner, and sleep under the stars. Just us kids.

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I’ve had to work out of town for the past two weeks. Today is the first day of summer for the kids, so I brought them with me this week. Although they are well behaved teenagers, they still like to make noise and have some fun on occasion; nothing wrong with that as long as it’s not in the hotel. So before we went in to the lobby, I told them to be professional while we were here. No running around, being loud…that sort of thing. I also told them there were cookies in the lobby and they could help themselves.

Mikayla responded in her professional adult voice, “Excuse me, but may I enjoy one of your circular yummies?”

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(Click the Orca to go to my wildlife photo album)

For three years now we have spent Memorial weekend camping at the San Juan County park on the San Juan Island. These islands are a short ferry ride out of Anacortes, WA and are excellent for whale watching. The first two years, several pods of whales swam right past the beach 2-3 times each day. I started to think that it was normal and expected the same thing this year but it didn’t happen. Luckily I had booked us a whale watching trip (we had never done this before) and on our 3 hour boat ride we saw plenty of Orcas and I was able to get pictures that were much better than I had in previous years.

If you want to camp on the islands, you have to make reservations early. Every year I call the day the reservation line opens (usually around St. Patrick’s day). This year I had 2 phones on redial and I sat for an hour and a half dialing constantly before I finally got through (and the camp was already half filled for Memorial Weekend). I know one of these years I won’t end up so lucky and the family will be disappointed.

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Curtis has been having a hard time with a kid at school. He’s tried to avoid him for the last few weeks because of teasing, name calling, and threats. To Curti’s credit, he’s ignored most of it. So I was pretty surprised when I got a call yesterday that Curtis had to go see the principal because he’d been in a fight and the other parents want to press charges.

I’ve been there and it’s no fun to be bullied. I used to try and make friends with my bullies…sometimes it even worked. One of my worst bullies in 4th grade ended up being one of my good friends through High School. In 9th grade (I was still short and an easy target), I gave a kid that used to push me around a Snickers bar. He went from bullying me to protecting me. We never talked and weren’t really friends, but if he was walking by and somebody was bothering me he’d put an instant stop to it. I felt like I had a personal bodyguard, it was great! But it didn’t always work. Once while trying to befriend one, he took a quick swing and hit me in the jaw. There was a lot of blood and my face was swollen for weeks. Twice I got hit in the face and never fought back. I go back and forth as to which is better. Sometimes I’m glad I didn’t, other times I wish I would have…

So I can’t blame Curtis. The other day on the way home the harassment was upped a notch and the other kid said he was going to beat Curtis up when they got off the bus. Curtis said he tried to hurry home but the kid came after him and threw down his backpack. There were other boys around egging them on, which made it worse, so when the kid came in close Curtis hit him in the face. The kid jumped on him and they were wrestling on the ground when the kid’s mom came and put a stop to it all.

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 7,332 square miles of protected African bush cushion the border between South Africa and Mozambique. Known as the Kruger National Park, it is the largest game reserve in South Africa and my favorite place in the world. I spent six or so days in 1989, two weeks in 1993, but haven’t been back since (unless you count a recurring dream).

Roads wind through the park, connecting the small village-like areas where you can eat lunch, rent a rondavel, and get out of your car (it’s against the rules to even open your car door outside the gates, for obvious reasons). These camps keep you safe from, among other things, the “Big 5″ (lions, leopards, elephants, rhinos, and buffalo). All visitors must be in one of these camps or out of the park by sundown, or face serious fines.

There are drawbacks to driving your own car through the African wild, as compared to an open land rover on a private game reserve (which I have also done). Being restricted to roads means you can’t get as close to the action and you don’t have a personal guide with a radio streaming the location of wandering creatures. But for me, being able to drive my own car, at my own pace, never knowing what I will find around the next corner dwarfs those benefits.

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I normally don’t play games like this, but as I was laying in bed I had some good ideas. I’ll answer my mom’s challenge to write about 5 things I didn’t expect to happen in my life. Rather than writing about what I expected at age 25, I’m going younger. Five things I didn’t expect in my life when I was growing up. They are negative, I’ll warn you now. But I had high expectations as a kid. The good news is that I’m getting used to being mediocre.

1. That I’d get divorced

I never imagined this one. As a child, there was no divorce in my family…extended family included (and my parents come from huge families). Later as a teenager there were two, but percentage-wise, it’s a tiny proportion. It’s just something that wasn’t considered. Families stayed together. Parents worked on things and stuck it out. It was hard to know which to rate first, this one or number two (below), but I decided this one has shaken up my world than anything else. I still often feel disoriented, like I failed in other peoples eyes, and sometimes like I’m standing out in the middle of a desert with no idea where I am and where to go. Up until the moment Kim said the words "I want a divorce and I’ve already seen an attorney," I didn’t expect it. There were clues, I knew things weren’t going good, but I never expected she wanted to actually end it. It sucked. The next three months were the worst of my life, but then ushered me into some of the best. Looking back it was the best thing that ever happened to me. Believe me, I never imagined I’d say those words.

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I realized as a teenager that I would ever be as selfless as my dad. One night after coming in well past dinner time I walked into the kitchen where he was putting the final garnishments on a baked potato. It was covered in cheese and sour cream and made my stomach rumble just to look at it…especially since I hadn’t eaten dinner and it was almost bedtime. He saw me drooling and handed it to me.

"Here, you can have it, I’ll make me another one."

Not only did I take his food, but I knew then and there I wouldn’t have done the same for him. But I was too hungry to feel guilty.

Twenty years later and I still can’t say I’m that selfless. I really like baked potatoes. And as my kids will tell you, I rarely even share my soda with them. So in those areas I may not do so well, but I there are some others where I think I earn my title of "father."

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We had a great year. A two week trip to Utah, numerous camping trips, a two week trip to Minnesota, and it’s all packed in this little picture show for you all to see! It was wonderful to spend so much times with you all. Everyone was so generous to let us stay in their homes, eat their food, and mess up their family rooms! It’s sad to live so far away from so many of you. But we think of you often and sure appreciate the times we can spend together.

If you are seeing this on the main page, click “read more” below to watch it here or click the title to bring it up in its own window. Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year!

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Having kids is the best. I saw a bumper sticker the other day that said, “My Kid is a Terrific Kid,” and I really liked that. It’s not about being an honor student, not about being a cheerleader, not about anything they do…they are inherently terrific. I’ve read a fair amount about child development (Dinkmeyer, McKay, Gottman), attended parenting classes, and have three wonderful kids…I’m no expert, but I know I don’t want to manipulate my kids. I try not to let my own desires and wishes get in the way of my feelings for them. I want them to know I’ll love them regardless…always. They don’t have to win my love, they don’t have to prove themselves, I admire and love them…period. I want to encourage them, no question about that, but I want a feeling of unconditional love to always be present.

Sometimes I try and imagine horrible scenarios and think to myself….would I love this child of mine if they did this…or this…or wanted this (insert your own nightmare). And it’s hard…but yes I would love them, of course. Could I hide disappointment? I can imagine times it might not be easy. I want them to be successful and happy. I want them to live a good life. I have ideals I hope they will adopt, but what if they choose not to? I think of my own parents and the difficulty they faced when I left the church….something I know they always imagined and wanted for me. Something that is the most important part of their life…and I chose not to go that route. It’s not easy. Could I let my kids be themselves, make mistakes, and unconditionally give them my love and support. Can I let them develop and not impose my own desires and dreams upon them? You know, yes, I think I can. Although…I’m getting teenagers now, so check back in five years…hehe. Read the rest of this entry »

A couple weeks ago Mikayla brought home a school project for the American Heart Association. They were doing a fund raiser by having the kids solicite money from friends and family. Mikayla was really excited to do it and talked a lot about raising money for people who have strokes.

As the deadline approached, she started asking me how much I’d give her for the program. I also heard her talking a lot about which prize she would be getting. Prize? Turns out that she gets different prizes based on how much money she raises. She said the prize wasn’t the important thing, that she was doing it for the money…and I believe her. I’m not sure why I did this next thing. Maybe it was mean, maybe it was too much for such a little girl…I don’t know.

I said, “Ok Mikayla, I’ll give you $5. Or, if you tell them you don’t want the prizes and want to donate them back to the program, I’ll give you $20.”

This put her poor little head into a spin. You see, my $5 put her over the limit for the next prize group, which she was hoping to get. Yet, if she gave up her prizes, the Hart Association gets more money.

What was her reaction? She struggled hard with this one. She cried, she got mad, she tried to talk me out of it. At this point, I didn’t know where to go with it. Do I back down and just do the $20? I don’t know what the best thing would be, but I said, “It’s ok, Mikayla, just take the $5 if you don’t want to do it. You have still raised a lot of money for them.”

She couldn’t let it rest. In the morning before school she asked me for a $20 donation and said she didn’t need the dumb prizes anyways. She told her teacher she didn’t want the prizes and sent off her donation. What a little sweetie pie. She’s a smart little girl and quite a deep thinker for an 8 year old.

As a follow-up, her teacher said it wasn’t possible to tell them not to send the prizes. They will be sending her the prizes. Mikayla came up with the idea of donating them to the homeless shelter that Kim volunteers at once a week.